Reality Isn't All That Easy to See
by The Crazy Sisters
Summary: Mark. He watched. He didn’t want to watch. Why would someone watch that? Why not a happy comedy or a cheesy over-dramatic sitcom?"


**A/N: Claw: Okay, so it's 4:11 AM, and yep I'm writing angst. This was a really random idea that just popped up. I really like writing about Roger and Mark. (not like **_**that). **_**They are my favorite characters in Rent. I really like them, because I think they have a ton of depth and they are really interesting. Plus they are funny. Yeah, I wrote this without Blondie, but she gave my inspiration for this, I don't know how. she just did. I guess I'll dedicate this to her since she is an awesome sister. **

**This is a story about Roger's thoughts while through withdrawal. I was writing it were he had found out he got AIDS like a week ago. Oh, the points of view keep changing, but remember this is all Roger thinking to him self. (He refers to him self as you, and I, and Roger. Which is kind of weird. But I wanted that effect.) **

Mark. He watched. He didn't want to watch. He didn't need to watch. He wasn't even forced to watch. Then why, why would he? Why would someone watch that? Why not a happy comedy or a cheesy over-dramatic sitcom?

He chose this of all the things to watch because he is a friend. It's just the way he is. He wants to solve everyone's problems, but he knows he can't, so he watched.

He didn't realize that his watching was a way of detaching.

He said he was documenting. Documenting what? My death? My slow but sure death? I'm sure people would kill to see a movie like that.

The Modern Death Sentence. Yes, that would be the name of the film. Too bad the main star will be dead. Aw, what, no Oscar?

Fuck you. He watched, because you let him. You let him detach from his own emotions. Good friend you are. Bastard.

No, don't blame your self. It was him, he never stopped you. He let you fall in a trap. All for a fucking film. No, you know you're lying. He couldn't of prevented anything. You were out of control. And all the poor boy could do was watch. Watch you loose your life with each hit. A hit you said you needed. No, I need it, I really need it. Must get it. NOW!

His fault. He should of stooped me when he could. No, you fucking worthless nothing, HE COULDN'T STOP YOU! IF HE COULD THEN WHY WOULD HE WATCH?!

I did this. Yes, yes, I did. You did, you did, you did. He couldn't do anything. Anything, but watch. He is the best friend you could ever have, so why do you treat him like shit? Blame him for your problems. Isn't that what you always do? Blame the one who watched. Sure, that's smart, blame the witness.

Maybe, maybe, I'm right. He is just like anybody else. Why doesn't he stop me? Maybe he doesn't care. He knows you're fucked. Fucked. Fucked. Fucked. FUCKED!

Why should he care about you? He has his film. His fucking girlfriend. That whore. No, he doesn't even have his girlfriend. He just watches as she runs around, sleeping with every fucking person.

It's my fault. No, nope. It's his. All his. He could of stopped you. Before it got too strong. The addiction, as he calls it. It's not an addiction. He is over reacting. You're fine. No, wait, you're dying. Fucking dying. Goodbye cruel world.

See, ya in…wherever the hell I'm going. I know it isn't gonna be Heaven. Maybe I can kick down the gates. No, you can't. Heaven is for good people, like him. Yeah, sure. He let me do this. He killed me.

Did he kill me? You're not dead, but you will be. _You_ wanted the powder. Ah, sweet powder. I need some now. I have to get it. He won't care. Well, he will, but what can he do? Nothing, that's right. Yeah, he'll tell you "That's enough."

I don't need to quit. Quitting is for losers. Haha! He looses! No, he won. He fucking won. He still gets to live. Make his fucking film. Get famous. Get rich. Die old. Isn't that the life _I_ wanted? The life that I am now destined to never have? Yes.

Yes, Roger Davis it was. The life you will never have. you'll die young, poor and stoned. Hey at least I'll be stoned. And Mark, Well, he can watch. Will he laugh? I really hope he doesn't. If I was him, I would laugh. Hey, he might live in the fucking crappiest apartment. His girlfriend might cheat on him every other day, but hey he's gonna live. And watch.

And Roger, It's your fault. Not his. He couldn't stop your obsession with the needle and powder. If he could, he would, Because honestly, Mark is your best friend. He helped you when you're down. Hell, he helped me when I was high too. And no, Roger, he isn't going to laugh. He wouldn't. He is your friend.

He won't laugh, but he should. He'll cry, but he shouldn't. He'll mourn longer then the others. He'll remember you when the others forget.

Oh, and yes, Roger Davis, Mark Cohen watched you infect your body.

And why?

Because, he is your friend.

My best friend. I should tell him that more often.

**A/N: Well, I hoped you liked it. I made it up as I went. Only the first sentence was planed. It was sort of an emotional overload for me to write. Yes, I am not used to angst. Review if you liked it! Review if you didn't like it! And review if you thought it was just ok! **

**Blondie: I strike!**


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